Years ago, I started the entrepreneurial journey the same way many people start it:

I was a hair colorist, working in a salon that was, well, I’ll just call it quaint. Tiffany lamps, old fashioned barber-style chairs, a gumball machine for the kids—lots of old-school kitsch, and while the owners were nice enough, it did not fit my personal vision of amazing.

So I made the classic first mistake of being an entrepreneur: I figured that knowing how to ply my trade was the same thing as knowing how to run the business, and I forged full steam ahead into small business ownership.

Ignorance is bliss, I tell you. I had no idea what I did not know, and was perfectly content to make it up as I went along, everything from accounting systems to inventory processes to customer service standards and policies, all invented out of thin air not one moment before I needed them, and usually in response to some need I didn’t even know I had until a problem presented itself. Like, how does one calculate and generate paychecks for employees? Hmm… better figure this one out pretty quick or my brand new staff will be pissed. How do I train people to do their jobs? How do I motivate, inspire, and help my people grow so that they will want to keep working for me? How do I create and maintain excellence in all areas of this business? And so on.

The biggest problem, though, was not so much the business systems side of things. Granted, sometimes things were a bit rough and rarely worked flawlessly, but I managed to devise enough structure and flow that things more or less worked according to plan, most of the time.

The biggest problem was ME. Though I couldn’t have articulated it at the time, nearly every problem I had in the salon could be traced back to some way of thinking about things that I had, some way of interacting with problems or conflict that wasn’t working, some personal style or personality trait that got in the way of me being an effective leader in that salon.

If I had a problem with a stylist, there was a good chance that I hadn’t done my job somehow: not communicated clear expectations, not earned enough loyalty, not given them enough tough love if needed, not fired them when I should have. If I had a problem with the culture of the salon, it was because I hadn’t taken the time to tune in to what was happening, and done my part to create the environment I wanted to see. If I didn’t feel like my staff was on my side, I hadn’t done my part to create or communicate a compelling vision that they could get behind with conviction.

The thing about being an entrepreneur is that while you think the thing you’re doing is growing a business, what you’re really doing is launching into a personal development opportunity that will force you to grow you one way or another. The hope is that you’ve got enough self-awareness to recognize that you’re being called to transform and that you will rise to the challenge for the sake of your business.

I think this is true not just for owning a business, but in any area of life. Relationships, jobs, friendships, transitions—all of these situations have the potential to throw us up against our own limitations and call us forward to grow, but only if we let them: if we are willing to become our own observer, watch for the patterns, thoughts, behaviors, beliefs that limit our options, and start trying on new ones in order to change the results we’re getting.

This, to me, is a key element of what I like to think of as personal leadership: the acknowledgement that things only happen differently when WE change, not when the other people or circumstances change; and we must be willing to take on the challenge of personal growth and transformation, in service of becoming the people we are inherently capable of being.

Even now, this plays out in my life (the work is never done, I’ve decided.) As I work to grow a thriving coaching practice, I find myself up against what might look like barriers, but are really just limited beliefs I have about who I am, what I’m capable of, what’s possible for me, and so forth. So I continue to be called to change—I can’t solve my problems with the same thinking that created them, and I am challenged to find fresh thinking and more empowering beliefs that will open up different possibilities.

I have a feeling I’m not alone in this: that YOU also find yourself up against your own BS, excuses, or otherwise limiting thoughts, and want to start tackling those things head on so that you can have the richer, bigger, more exciting, more satisfying vision you hold for yourself.

If that sounds like you, I suggest you join me for The Next Level,  a three month personal leadership program for solopreneurs, small biz owners, and other career women who want to stop squeaking by and start leading their life and work with intention, purpose and power. It’s a small-group, in-depth exploration of your own personal leadership style, what’s working and what’s not, where your growing edges are, and how to tap into your signature presence and brilliance to have more impact and satisfaction in your work and life.  Think mastermind-meets-learning-meets-powerful-coaching, all amplified by the synergy created by a group of inspired women working together, supporting each other, and holding both challenge and accountability for you in support of your best, highest aspirations.

If you are launching a new business, climbing the career ladder, or on the front edge of a major change—this is the perfect way for you to rise to the challenge you are beginning.

You can find all the details of the program here, and we kick off on June 13^th, so if you’re interested you have about a month to decide if you’re on board, and to get yourself registered!

And by the way…if you’re on my mailing list, you just might be receiving a special offer for this program, so if you’re not on it–let’s fix that, shall we? Sign up here. I promise I only send good stuff, and never give away your info to gnomes, spambots, or other internet nasties.

See, I just wrapped up with another group from The 28 Day Gutsy Life Challenge, which is always a bit of a bittersweet moment.

Yay, it was awesome! Yay, women are getting gutsier! Being bolder! Speaking their truth! Doing courageous, brave things!

Boooo, no more group calls. No more amplified energy of a dedicated group of women, all working in tandem to bring more guts into their lives. Moving on, solo—and holding the faith that they will continue on with their quest for courage.

As one woman wrote to me,

“I wish we could keep on meeting–I feel like I’m just getting started! It’s like I’m on the verge of something, and I’m pretty sure I know what it is, yet something keeps me sitting here on the sidelines. And I’m tired of sitting on the sidelines.”

As you can imagine, that sent my head spinning into overdrive, concocting new ways to help her.

Luckily, sometimes when my head spins, good things come out of it—and this time, that’s exactly what happened.

So without further ado: I’m pleased to announce the birth of a brand new group offering:

The Next Level!

The Next Level is a 90 day group coaching program for women who are ready to stop sliding by in life and start playing bigger with their lives—whether it’s related to your career, your secret dream, or a big change you want to make.

Taking it to the next level is unique to you and what you want: for some, it’s jumping ship at their corporate job and starting their own business. For others, it’s a decision to honor that quiet voice inside that is asking you to start telling the truth, to yourself and others. Stepping up your game can take lots of forms—and you know what it looks like for you.

The truth is, it’s hard to do it alone. You can, of course, but it sure helps to have support, encouragement, tools, trusted allies and advocates, and resources to lean on when you’re in the thick of playing bigger.

This group will be all of that, and more. It’s a great place for you to come if you’re re-working a career, starting a slightly scary endeavor, in pursuit of a higher quality of living, or re-discovering yourself after years away.

There’s lots more info about this group over on The Next Level page so pop on over, take a look and consider signing up. If you’re ready to make a commitment to yourself to get yourself going, finally—then join me, won’t you?

PS if you’re not on my mailing list, you might want to get on it—I send out perks from time to time that will come in handy. (Hint: it might be preferred pricing on this group program. Or something like that. Just sayin’.) Want in? Here’s the link to sign up.

We set off on a personal growth journey to learn something about ourselves, to figure out how we’re getting in our own way, and to find new ways of being that are more in alignment with what we want for ourselves, whether it’s in a relationship, a business venture, or a new endeavor. We see a pattern in ourselves that is causing us problems, and decide that we will change it.

Yet for most of us, this type of change isn’t a one-time event where you take a class, learn a thing or two, and be done with it. More often, there’s a way change happens, somewhat unconsciously, that involves ongoing experimentation, trial-and-error, and practice, followed by self-assessment, integrating the learning, and re-calibrating our efforts for the next time that pattern shows up.

It’s really more of an ebb and flow: are we moving closer to our ideal, or further away?

It’s said that nothing is static, that things are always expanding or contracting. And in my view, personal growth fits into that category. There is always movement—the question is, which way are you moving? Are you taking steps towards your desired self, or away from?

I’m in the middle of The 28 Day Gutsy Life Challenge right now, with twelve amazing women. And with each woman, I see them taking steps towards more courage, more passion, more faith in themselves. It’s so cool to see, because it truly boils down to this: in every day, in every moment, you are at choice. You get to choose moving towards something, or you can choose to retreat, away from it. It happens in little, tiny moments as well as big, show-stopping ones. And each time, you get to choose.

What are you choosing to move towards?

PS: I’ll be offering The 28 Day Gutsy Life Challenge again, most likely in the fall. It usually sells out, so if you want to be notified when registration is open, make sure you’re on my mailing list!

In the last few months, my “growing edge” in terms of being gutsier has shown up in the following ways:

• Skiing down an icy, steep chute up at Crystal Mountain. (To be completely honest: this took extreme coaxing from my guy to get me to go down it. My first reaction was “no way, no how, buddy! Too steep, too narrow, if I make one mistake it’s all the way down on my ass, thank you very much”. God love him, he persisted in talking me through it, and after the first slippery turn I found my edges, and made it down without killing myself. Not with style, mind you, but I did it.)

• Cold-calling a CEO of a company that I admire in order to interview him. (I had no idea that making a phone call could be a form of aerobic exercise, but my heart was beating so fast it was better than going for a brisk run in the morning.)

• Speaking at the Northwest Women’s Show. Now, as you may have heard, speaking in public is the number one fear that most people have—it even beats out fear of dying. So getting up on a stage, in front of god knows how many people, in a chaotic environment, in front of an eclectic group of people—it’s pretty much not ideal conditions to speak in, and a big stretch for my gutsy muscle. Yet even though I knew it wouldn’t be the best possible circumstances for speaking to an audience, I wanted to experience what might be considered a “worst-case” scenario in terms of building up my public speaking chops. And let’s just say…my expectations were met, good and bad.

In any circumstance where you’re stepping out past your comfort zone in order to build up your gutsy muscle, you have an opportunity to grow. You can either look at things in black and white terms, like success or failure, or you can take a more complex look at your process, what you are learning about yourself, and how you’re gaining by making the effort. You can start to look at what your habitual beliefs, habits, or behaviors are, and start making a more conscious choice about how you want to proceed.

Frequently, the things that keep us feeling timid or unsure of ourselves are habits of thought that we are unaware that we have. We find ourselves faced with a potentially fear-inducing situation, and without realizing it, we immediately start telling ourselves stories about what might happen (and if you’re like 99.9993% of other women, those stories are usually gloomy). Yet we rarely stop to examine our response—we just listen to our own stories, and (not uncommonly) back down.

So any time you are called to be a bit more bold, notice what thoughts pop into your head, and ask yourself: is this a habit for me to think this?

For example, I am guilty of automatically (habitually) underestimating my capabilities and skills.  I have a tendency (habit) to compare myself to others who are where I want to be, and find myself coming up short, and then I erroneously determine that I can’t do whatever it is that is in front of me (yep, another habit.) That ski slope? My initial reaction of “No way, Jose!” is what I ALWAYS say when faced with a steep slope. It’s true…ask my guy. Even when I’ve skied similar terrain before, I seem to have a keen ability to completely forget about other circumstances where I have prevailed, and I resort to my default mode of “it’s scary! It’s too steep!” Blah blah blah.

As you can imagine, these habits of thought can wreak havoc on a girl’s desire to be a bit bolder and gutsier.

Becoming aware of your habitual thoughts and beliefs is key to growing your courage.  As you develop self-awareness about your patterns and habits when it comes to being gutsy, you start to suspect that these old habits and beliefs may not actually be true, or accurate, or even useful–which begins to make space for that gutsy muscle to grow and flourish.

So when you hear yourself making excuses for staying safe, being timid, or playing small, ask yourself: how much of what you’re telling yourself is a habit? How much of it is an old story that you’re spinning again? And most importantly: if it’s just a habit being triggered, what would serve you better in this moment? What is a more powerful, empowering choice?

As you examine your habits, make different choices and lean into your fears, by looking your “yeah-buts” in the eye and deciding to take the step anyhow, two things happen: your own courage grows, and the thing you’re worried about shrinks. When you take the bolder step, you nurture the part of you that is already brave, self-assured, confident. Your gutsy muscle gets trained to be stronger every time you take even one small risk. And your worries and “yeah-buts” wither and fade, because you now see them for what they are: a distraction, a habit, but not an obstacle.

A quick note: The April Gutsy Program is full, and so if you’d like to be put on the wait list for the next class, make sure you get on my email list so that when I get it scheduled, you can get first dibs! 

I’m not sure which I’m more excited about—I love having birthdays, because it’s an opportunity to take exceptionally good care of myself and celebrate in many ways with lots of people. And I love The 28 Day Gutsy Life Challenge because I get to help other women find their inner gutsy woman, which turns into them doing kick-ass, amazing things, which is even cooler and more exciting than celebrating a birthday.

See, The Challenge is all about connecting with your own brilliance, identifying who you are at your core and what truly matters to you, and then taking steps, little or big, that are aligned with your deepest self—which in my book is living gutsy, darlin’.

In celebration of both of these things, I’ll be giving away one spot in The 28 Day Gutsy Life challenge to one lucky winner! You don’t have to be present to win, but you do have to enter and participate. The more you share, the more chances you get to win!

Here’s how it works:

You will get one entry for each of the following:

• Sign yourself up on my mailing list, if you haven’t already
• “Like” my Facebook fan page
• Share this workshop with your friends on Facebook (including the link to the sign-up page). You can say something like “Wow, this looks AWESOME!” or “I could sure use more of this in MY life” or something like that.
• Tweet about it if you’re on Twitter, using the hashtag #GutsyLife  (and please include the link). Which might look like this:  “Sure hope I win a spot in this #GutsyLife workshop!  link“

Every “like”, share, or tweet will earn you one entry—and of course, on Facebook and Twitter you can share multiple times and get additional chances to win. Plus, if you have another place that you can spread the word (for example, you run the Kirkland local blog and can post a blurb in there) I’ll give you an entry for those as well.

Please: if you do share on Facebook, or tweet about it on Twitter, or post it to your own blog etc—send me a quick email at kristy AT kristyswan DOT com to let me know. While I can track most of this stuff via the magical internet, it’s not a perfect system and a little extra nudge from you will help me keep track of things properly.

I’ll draw one lucky winner on March 17^th, so you have until then to enter!

And by the way…if you just want to skip the whole “maybe I’ll win, but I’ll be really bummed if I don’t” thing, just go over to the sign up page right now and make it a done deal. You’ll be glad you did, I promise!

I could probably write for weeks about the many things I experienced and learned while I was there, but for now I want to tell you about a particular piece that keeps resonating with me in my everyday life.

One of the first pieces of business when the workshop began was to talk about and establish some ground rules for the group–things like confidentiality, willingness to be coached, and so forth.

One of the rules was this:

I agree to act with COMPASSION towards myself and others.

As a way of explaining it further to us, our fearless leader explained to us that you will know that you are OUT of compassion if you are either COMPARING yourself to others, or wanting to COMPETE with others.

No problem, I thought. I know how to be compassionate towards myself and others. Seems like a no-brainer. . Yeah, sure, once in awhile I fall into the trap of comparison, or competition–but mostly, I know how to be compassionate.

Uh-huh.

Now, as it happened, there were some amazing people in the workshop–very smart, talented, interesting, and experienced, with resumes and expertise that were pretty impressive. And in about three seconds flat of meeting them, I fell headlong into my apparently ongoing tendency to constantly compare myself with others.  Which, by the way, is an equation that never works out in my favor. ( Hello, Inner Critic!)

As the workshop went on, it became more and more apparent to me just how easily I slip into compare/compete mode, and am not so gracious about giving myself compassion. Someone would get up and tell a story, and I’d start immediately analyzing my own story in my head, trying to make it as compelling as the one I was hearing. (Compete/compare).  Or I would listen to their exquisite delivery and start calculating if I could copy some of their style or persona that they brought to their speaking. (Compete/compare).

This was quite the eye-opener for me! Because it was quite easy to agree to be compassionate to myself but another thing altogether to realize just how often I am actually in comparison mode, or even in competitive mode. And even harder to step away from competing/comparing and allow myself to simply be who I am and trust that it is enough. That my stories, ideas, experience, resume, or personal presence is unique and exactly right FOR ME.

So I’ve been sitting with this awareness for the last week or so, noticing how often it comes up. It helps to pay attention and name it when I see myself doing it (as in, “oh, there’s that whole compare/compete thing again. Isn’t that interesting.”) and then making a conscious choice for a different perspective  by asking “what would compassion for myself be in this moment?” And interestingly enough, it’s helping. I’m quicker to catch myself in the act of comparing, and quicker to let go and find a more productive groove to be in.

Over to you: do you ever fall into the trap of comparing yourself with others? How do you handle it?

See, I was in a deep, dark funk late last fall—felt completely incompetent, inadequate, dejected about the state of affairs, completely detached from any confidence I might have previously had. And as someone whose job it is to coach people through times like this, you can imagine the consternation I felt about being in that space myself.

It wasn’t pretty. I would cry at the drop of a hat, entertained frequent thoughts of quitting everything and going to work as a drone, and in general was uncharacteristically in full-on Debbie Downer mode.

My good friends, god bless ‘em, didn’t know what to make of it. They were genuinely baffled that I felt as hard on myself as I did. They listened, encouraged, gave pep talks and hugs, held out boxes of Kleenex, and did everything they could to remind me that I was just fine, that I was momentarily off the rails and would find my way back to my better self, they were sure of it.

Meanwhile, even as I wrestled with this bad mood, I was mid-stream in a big marketing push to spread the word about The 28 Day Gutsy Life Challenge  (which, by the way, is on the calendar again for April) and the juxtaposition of my emotional state against the message I was putting out there felt completely schizophrenic. (Hi, I’m offering a workshop on how to be more gutsy in your life. And by the way, I’m an emotional puddle of goo right now.)

Then, to add more fuel to the fire, I took a leap off a cliff and decided to sign up for a public speaking workshop, which was briskly stimulating to my bevy of inner critics, to say the least.

My mental state was NOT good. I was struggling to go through the motions, and battled every day against feeling all of the versions you can conjure up of “not enough”. In retrospect, I can’t say it was depression—it was more like a full-frontal battle with my own demons.

Things continued on this way for what seemed like a long while. I kept being surprised by the grip that this funk had on me, and how pervasive it seemed. I described it to a friend as an octopus, with eight  suction-cupped limbs entwined around me, and the minute I’d get one loose, another would encircle a different part of my body and then I’d wrestle with that.

At one point, I considered just quitting trying for a bit. Not giving up entirely, on everything, but just giving myself a month off to stop trying so hard to fix things. Give myself a month with permission to just take care of myself, feel how I feel, and release myself from any requirements about goals, accomplishments, outcomes, or anything tangible or measurable. Permission to just be, whatever that meant.

And somehow, I suspect that maybe that permission was the magic that began to change the tide.

I keep looking for the one thing that I did or that happened that began to shift things. I wish there were one moment, one “ah-ha” that I can point to as the turning point—because today, I’m in a different place. I feel more confident, more trusting of myself, where I’m at, and who I am; I’m back to feeling engaged, motivated, and in the right mental space to take on the journey I have in mind for myself. I want to be able to name it, to know what it was that I DID to get myself back on track, because I might need it again for the future, and god knows it might have value for someone else as well, at least as a possible strategy to TRY when things get rough.

I keep pondering what shifted, what helped me to get through the recent dark spot I went through. And while I can’t offer one big idea, I think there are some little things, all of which added up to getting through it:

1. Permission to be exactly where I am at. Often, when we get into a funk, there are two problems: first of all, there’s the problem of the mood itself, which already feels crummy. And then, we usually layer self-judgment about the mood on top of it—we shouldn’t feel that way, it’s bad to feel the way we feel, and so forth. This is akin to adding insult to injury, and doesn’t help get you through it anyhow. So giving yourself permission to just feel down for a bit is just fine.
2. Keep on keepin’ the faith. And by that, I mean consciously choosing the perspective that even despite any preponderance of evidence, I am on the right path, doing my right work, and to keep doing what I said I would, even when my feelings would have me do otherwise. I wrote in a post a while back that I think building a business is an act of faith, because you continually have to keep doing things to move the ball forward even when you don’t see any obvious results at the time. So during this dark time, I just kept moving. Kept sticking to the program, doing the work I was not at all motivated to do. One thing at a time, even if it was a small thing.
3. Shake things up. I found that I would literally get into a form of paralysis: from staring at the computer screen, from feeling overwhelmed by too much to do, by wallowing in my mood and obsessing about it. So for me, doing something completely different was a way to break the spell. Go outside for a walk. Go to the gym and jump into the swimming pool. Take a bubble bath in the middle of the day. Again, permission to just stop and take a sharp detour was instrumental in me breaking the mental spin I was in.
4. Excellent self-care. For me, this meant naps, walks outside, massage, reading frivolous books, and time with people I care about. It also meant NOT doing things—not worrying about chores, tasks, or imaginary “have-to’s” that I might otherwise hold myself to doing.There may be other things that helped, too—dear friends who listened and offered encouragement; beginning to see small wins here and there that were related to my plugging along without knowing if I were making any impact; a full-moon eclipse that I made the effort to witness and celebrate with a small lakeside ceremony. Who knows what the “key” was.

What I know, though, is that the thing that felt most powerful to me was the simple act of acceptance: of allowing myself to be in whatever state I was in, without trying to fix it, change it, or make myself wrong for being there. It seems that by giving myself permission to have darkness and be fully in it, that somehow it made the darkness lose its grip on me. I wish I could explain it better than that. I just know that the next time around, I’ll make space for the darkness sooner, and open myself up to what it might hold for me.  I’ll give myself permission to just be.

Over to you: what helps you get through particularly hard times?

For anyone contemplating career change or just wondering “What the heck do I want to do with my life”:

Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer–a lovely read about finding your calling. While he doesn’t offer quick solutions, Mr. Palmer shares his own journey in a way that offers hope and insight into the process.

The Pathfinder by Nicolas Lore–A great workbook to help you identify potential career paths. Combines nuts-and-bolts exercises with values, vision, and soul-searching.

Steering by Starlight by Martha Beck. Basically, I love anything Martha Beck writes, and this is one of my favorites. Falls into the slightly-more-woo-woo category, which suits me just fine.

For better communication:

Fierce Conversations, by Susan Scott. If I could get everyone on the planet to read (and use the info in) just one book, this is it. All about how to have conversations that matter.

Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen. A classic book that explains the anatomy of how a conversation goes off the rails, with tips and strategies for getting through them more successfully on both sides.

You Just Don’t Understand! Women and Men in Conversation, by Deborah Tannen. A great view on typical (or maybe stereotypical, depending on your perspective) ways that each gender thinks and communicates. Not bashing–just a way to understand and hopefully bridge the gap.

For banishing Inner Critics and Naysayers:

Taming Your Gremlin, by Rick Carson. Another classic–playful, light, yet has some simple (not easy) suggestions for how to turn down the volume on that nasty voice inside your head.

Embracing Your Inner Critic, by Hal and Sidra Stone.  How to turn the nasty voice from critic into a valuable asset.

For women and career stuff:

Women Don’t Ask, by Sara Laschever and Linda Babcock.  As far as I can tell from my very unofficial research, one of the biggest ways that women get in their own way is that they don’t speak up for what they want. This book takes a look at the impact of not asking, and offers ideas on how to develop your asking ability.

What’s Holding You Back–Eight Critical Choices for Womens Success, by Linda Austin.  The glass ceiling, as it turns out, is not external–it’s internal. This book shows you how you might be keeping yourself from the success that you want.

Women and money:

Overcoming Underearning by Barbara Stanny and Prince Charming Isn’t Coming by Barbara Stanny.  Both of these books look at your relationship with money, not necessarily how to structure your finances. But I think it’s important stuff, especially since money (or lack of) is such a big topic with so many of us, myself included.

This list is just the tip of the iceberg…I’ll put more up  as I think of them.

And I’d also love to hear your recommendations–what book has been valuable to you? Please share your favorites in the comments below–I’d love to build my library up and find some new favorites! Thanks.

You, my biggest fan, my eternal cheerleader, my sounding board, my shoulder to lean on, my fiercest critic, my loyal reader, my constant support system. My friend, my client, my colleague, my cohort.

I am so grateful for you.

You are there for me, thick and thin, giving me everything from hugs and kudos to Kleenex and cocktails, depending on where I’m at in my journey. You believe in me with a tenacity that I sometimes don’t even hold for myself, and encourage me to stay the course even as I’m wobbling and bobbling my way along on this journey toward building a thriving career. You give me valuable feedback, offer insights, share your perspective, and pose thoughtful questions that challenge me to think differently. You never allow me to shrink from myself: when I feel discouraged or frustrated, you remind me of my own uniqueness, of the value of my point of view, of my natural skills that I have forgotten that I own.

You have this amazing way of making me feel seen, recognized, and validated. You give me heart-felt compliments that I know aren’t just niceties you’re making up, but genuine acknowledgements of what you see in me, what you know to be true. You take a stand for me, knowing that my best self is still here, even if she’s gone into hiding for the moment. You fight for me, and don’t allow me to beat myself up when I’m feeling particularly poisonous.

And you also inspire me. You, who in theory it’s my work to serve—the truth is, you give to me much more, perhaps, than I give to you. I see you digging deep, keeping the faith, bravely turning your face into the tough decisions, doing the hard work of change, and diligently striving for growth, learning, self-awareness, self-acceptance. I’m moved by your depth, brilliance, and vulnerability. And guts, by god you’re brave!

Your faith in me is a dear treasure that fuels me in the tough times. Because there are times when I have felt like giving up: the work is hard, the successes come few and far between, the distance between where I want to go and where I am now seems too great to cross, and I wonder if I’ll ever get there. I have big dreams, and sometimes it’s hard to see traces of forward momentum.

I often think that building my business is a complete act of faith: faith that what I am doing will turn into the thing I’m aiming for, faith that the small actions I take will add up some day, faith that the work I do makes a difference, faith that I actually do have the right ingredients to make it work, faith that all of these seeds I’m scattering will someday take root and flourish. While some days are better than others, there are many many days where I think I’m just flailing in the dark, putting stuff out to the universe and never knowing what, if anything, might come of it.

And those are the days that I’m most grateful for you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

But I digress…

When the New Year rolls around, I do sit down and do some reflection on the past year, and some deep thinking, planning, and intention-setting for the year ahead. (If you haven’t downloaded it yet, you can grab a copy of The Gutsy Girl Annual Review Worksheet, which will help you through your own annual review/planning process).  So I thought I’d give you a glimpse into setting the theme for last year, and a preview of what’s in store for the upcoming year.

Last year, my theme for the year was all about connection and building relationship.

See, by nature I’m an introvert. I can do the extrovert thing extremely well and if you just met me out and about, you might not guess that I thrive on solitary, quiet time. So the coaching profession suits me well, in many ways: I get to work from home, with no one around except my two laptops (the computer one and the feline one), and my human interaction takes place mainly on the phone or via Skype with my clients.

What I realized, however, is that while I love the peace and solo endeavor, it’s not where I do my best work. Alone, I do lots of thinking and pondering and contemplating, all of which is good–but when I interact and collaborate with others, magic happens. It becomes that old adage about 1+1=3. When I am with others, not only do I shine but some kind of synergy happens within the group where everyone gets out of it way more than they might if they were to be making the solo effort.

I also have realized that I want to reach more women than I can if I’m just going it alone. I have dreams of reaching thousands of women and helping/inspiring them to live gutsier, more fulfilling lives. I want to champion women on the verge of taking their own personal best leap, in whatever way that shows up. I want to spread the message that leading the life you want, the life you are capable of, takes guts—and that you HAVE the guts that you need already! You don’t need to find it, fix anything, or change—you just need to start tapping into what already exists inside of you and start leaning in.

And to spread that message on a large scale—well, let’s just say it won’t happen with me, alone, on my computer. Connection, collaboration, community—this is what I set out for myself as my intention last year, and I carry it with me as I begin 2012.

(Side note: part of that community and connection for me takes place on Facebook and Twitter, so if we’re not connected there, take a moment and reach out, won’t you? Thanks.)

So what is my intention for this year?

This year, my focus boils down to one thing: take bigger risks.

Now, as a life coach who positions herself as “helping gutsy women do cool things”, you might assume that I am fairly fearless, and thus in a position to speak with authority on being gutsy, living courageously, playing big, and so forth. You might be correct, depending on which measuring stick you use.

Compared to some, I have taken many risks and done quite a number of what might be considered gutsy things.

But what’s gutsy for one woman is completely different than what’s gutsy for another—using that measuring stick is like comparing apples to oranges.

Really, the bigger question is: what’s gutsy for ME? What would be risky for me?

Several years ago, I got some pointed feedback from a woman in my graduate program that zinged right to my core.

Her feedback was this: Kristy, I think you only take risks that you’re pretty sure you’ll succeed at.

What she was saying to me was that those things I “risked” had a high probability of success—there was very little down side, and no real chance of failure, rejection, or falling down.

And unfortunately, she was right.

In other words, yes, I do things that might look like a stretch, in a way. Like solo travel to a foreign country. Or strapping on backcountry ski gear and climbing up a small mountain.

But the risks I take, at least in many cases, have a pretty large safety net underneath them. And they’re not very far outside of my comfort zone—they’ve been things that don’t require me to truly test my own mettle.

My version of taking risks, then, has historically been to not take very big ones.

Until now.

That, my dear, is what I’m intent on shifting this year.

Because if I want to reach thousands of women, to help raise the bar for women and courage everywhere, I’m going to need to make bolder moves, think bigger, ask for more, and plant a larger stake in the ground towards that vision. Baby steps might get me there eventually, but I’m too impatient to wait for “eventually”.

I’m beginning by taking a workshop on public speaking, which frankly gets my heart beating a mile a minute and conjures up all those nasty inner critics. I want to reach out to people whom I admire, and see what kind of collaboration I might be able to forge with them. I’ll be looking for bigger places to put my time and energy, ones with a higher risk/reward ratio.

I’m still working on the tangible parts of my plan for the year. I don’t have concrete milestones or goals set quite yet, though I’m getting the broad brush strokes laid out.

But I’m clear that I intend 2012 to be the year that I take bold risks. And just that thought thrills me and gets me slightly nervous, which says to me that I’m in the right space.

Now over to you: what do you have your sights on for the upcoming year?