If you’re a regular reader here, you know that I am an advocate of this whole idea of living a gutsy life—of doing the thing that lights your fire, that makes your heart beat a bit faster, that has meaning and relevance and heart in it for you. I think that being gutsy means taking a stand for yourself, even as it might mean you will need to stretch yourself and live just beyond your comfort zone in some way, intentionally and consistently.

(A quick plug here: if you could use a bit more guts in your life, get yourself signed up for my January program, The 28 Day Gutsy Life Challenge. Go. Now. I’ll wait.)

Just so we’re clear: I do know that one woman’s version of gutsy is completely different than another’s. Frankly, you won’t catch me jumping out of an airplane any time soon.  Or taking on any kind of endurance sport that involves more pain than fun. Or doing karaoke anywhere, unless it involves a fair amount of cocktails. My version of gutsy might look nothing at all like yours. Don’t judge.

Just this week, I decided to put myself on the line, and I’ve found myself in that place of needing to walk my talk. I am taking on something that scares the living sh*t out of me, and I will admit this to you: I’m not feeling so gutsy right now!

Here’s the deal: I have a dream that someday, I will be on stage in front of lots (a dozen? hundreds? Thousands?) of people, talking to them, having a powerful message to share and having a big, positive impact in their lives. Now what, exactly, that message is, I’m unclear of yet. But I do know that when I am coaching someone one on one, and they have one of those “ah-ha!” moments that leads to a meaningful shift for them, it’s the most satisfying thing in the world—and if I could offer that to more people, I’d be thrilled. Thus, my interest in public speaking.

So I made a leap. I’ve signed up for a four-day workshop on Transformational Speaking. Four days of honing my message and learning to tell a powerful story, all culminating in (gulp) a videotaped presentation that I will deliver on the last day.

Now frankly, if I had really understood before I signed up with my non-refundable, not-inexpensive tuition paid in full, that I would have to actually GET UP IN FRONT OF PEOPLE AND BE VIDEOTAPED TALKING, I probably would have run for the hills rather than click “submit payment”.  I thought we would just be talking about public speaking, not actually DOING it!

You know that saying that of all the fears people have, death is the number two fear and public speaking is number one? That means that when you go to a funeral, the person giving the eulogy would rather be the person in the casket.

And I’ve SIGNED ON to do this.

Holy crap.

Honestly, I’m already having anxiety about it, and the workshop isn’t even until February. When I think of standing in front of people and being videotaped (and probably critiqued) my heart doesn’t just beat faster, it goes into overdrive.

My entire inner critic committee has been called into action, giving me every reason in the book why I’m never going to be a good speaker, what could I possibly have to say that anyone would want to hear, and so forth. (Jeezus, will those voices EVER go away???)

And don’t think I haven’t envisioned a long list of ways I could bail on this thing—a sudden, late illness; or maybe I could break my leg skiing; or maybe with luck I’ll get food poisoning and have to stay home at the last minute.

I know. It’s embarrassing, the lengths my brain will go to in order to avoid doing something that deeper down, I know I will be glad that I did, even if in the short term it freaks me out to no end.

In his book Do The Work Steven Pressfield talks about the battle  with resistance that occurs in any personal endeavor. (It’s a great book, by the way. Check it out if you haven’t already.)

Two snippets to illustrate:

The enemy is our chattering brain, which, if we give it so much as a nanosecond, will start producing exuses, alibis, transparent self-justifications, and a million reasons why we can’t/shouldn’t/won’t do what we know we need to do.

And:

The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.

Which means that the more your goal or dream is aligned with your higher calling, the more you’ve got to dig deep to get past your own fears. You’ve got to get gutsy.

So, my friends, this is where the coach gets to coach herself and walk her talk.

This is where the rubber meets the road in this whole idea of pursuing a gutsy life: you get to stretch, and do things that feel uncomfortable, in service of the bigger picture of the life you want to lead. And I want to lead a bigger life, have a bigger impact, and reach more people.

With a pounding heart and shaking knees, I’m moving forward. Stay tuned, I’ll keep you posted on how things go!