Hi, I’m Kristy Swanson, Chief Catalyst and Velvet Hammer here at BrightWorks Coaching. Glad you stopped in! I have some great events coming this fall, including The Small Biz (re)Boot Camp and Eat The Frog! You can always find information on my coaching services here, and some good reading on the blog. And of course, you can contact me here when you’re ready to hire me. Just sayin’.
The Problem Is Not Really The Problem
I often say that underneath every business challenge is a personal growth opportunity in disguise.
And in related news: inevitably, the thing you think is the problem? It’s not the problem. It’s typically a symptom of the real problem.
Case in point: I was consulting with a potential client the other day. She is a photographer, and is fortunate enough to have more business than she can handle right now. Of course, that causes issues on its own. Like, too much to do and not enough time to do it. Way too many irons in the fire. Wearing every hat in the office, from admin to bookkeeper to customer service to marketing, in addition to chief photographer. And as a result, she’s Stressed. Really Stressed. Like, so stressed her head is about to blow right off her shoulders.
So we started brainstorming ways she could address the problem. Things like delegating some of the work—hiring a virtual assistant, for example, or someone who could do some of the busywork like proofing photos, filling orders, and so forth. Then, the zinger showed up: “Oh, there’s no way I could do that, I’m too much of a control freak about my work.”
Bingo. Time management and chronic over-busyness are just big flashing road signs that there’s a deeper issue going on, which may be, for example, a need to control and micro-manage everything. Or it might even be something going on about being a perfectionist and having unattainably high standards, though I’m just guessing at this point.
But can you see how this works? The thing that looks like the problem is very often not truly the root of the situation, it’s a result that you’re getting because of a thought habit, a belief system, or a way of behaving that keeps an unhealthy pattern going. You’re overworked, because you’re convinced that you’re the only one who can do it the right way. You’re over-committed, because you’re afraid that if you say no you’ll hurt someone’s feelings. You get the picture.
And, by the way…usually when something shows up in your work life that causes you problems, there’s a good chance that it has some influence in the rest of your life as well. So if you’re a control freak at work? You just might be a control freak at home as well. And with your friends. And your partner. As they say, when you squeeze a lemon, you get lemon juice, no matter where it is when you squeeze it.
The good news is that when you show up with a problem and we find the root of where it’s originating, the changes you make spill over into every area of your life, not just your business. Learning to loosen the control death grip on your business results generally translates into less control freakishness elsewhere, because instead of trying to control, maybe you’re learning to communicate expectations and set boundaries and then let others do their part to meet you. Or you’re learning to make room for “good enough” rather than absolute perfection. Way healthier, everyone breathes easier.
So what about you? What’s your business challenge? Any ideas about what personal growth opportunity lies within?
Image by James Bowe via Flickr under the Creative Commons License.
Personal Meltdown (in which I reveal that I, too, struggle with the whole self-employed thing)
There’s a saying that you teach the thing you most need to learn, which is definitely the case for me right now. See, I’m creating content for my upcoming workshop in September called The Small Biz (re)Boot Camp, which is for small business owners and solopreneurs who need help cutting through the crap to get their business growing and going in the right direction. And in a parallel process, I am struggling in this very moment with that exact thing. I’ve been sitting here all day, freaking out over my list of things that I must accomplish before I head out on vacation, which is a subset of the list of things I must do to grow my business.
A partial inventory: Write multiple newsletters. Plan series of newsletters for next eight weeks, promoting Small biz reboot camp. Come up with other content besides SBRC promos for newsletter. Write blog posts, preferably several. Figure out how to link blog content with plug for Small biz reboot camp, without coming across as too salesy. Figure out how to increase blog traffic to generate interest for SBRC. Figure out how to increase signups. Changes to website might help. Website overhaul: must rewrite entire content on website to be pithy, concise, catchy, engaging, and on brand. Note: must first define my brand. (Insert visual of my head spinning like a tornado HERE).
Really, I am my own best client right now. Overwhelmed, I feel like I am losing ground rather than gaining ground. I am the typical solopreneur: full of a dream, wanting so badly to make it work, and caught in the trenches.
So I did what any reasonable solopreneur would do under such circumstances: I had a meltdown.
A complete, loud, teary, weeping, grab-the-cat-for-comfort meltdown.
I moped and blubbered to myself about this and that, and beat myself up for not doing MORE! FASTER! BETTER! I sniveled, whined, cried, and ranted at myself so well a two year old would have taken notes on how to throw a better tantrum.
And then, I remembered where to find the life raft.
The life raft, for me, is this file I keep that has my living, breathing design for my business flow. In it, I have things that remind me of what I am aiming for, both in pictures and in words. I have past brainstorming sessions and mind maps. I have a few articles and clippings from magazines. And I have my plan: the airplane view, the tree top view, and the arm’s length view of the terrain and the path to where I’m going. There’s a theme for the year, which for me is The Year Of Growing. There are my main focus areas, which are: Marketing. Building Relationships. Increasing Visibility. And then each of those areas have strategies and tactics.
And this is what gets me out of the overwhelm and back into forward movement, because I can use this living, breathing design as a litmus test for how my time is best spent. It helps me know what to STOP doing (like freaking out!) and helps me focus on the things that will give me the most bang for my buck. It reminds me why I’m doing any of it anyway, which is the piece that really settles my soul and gives me the mojo to keep it going.
Ultimately, this is the value of The Small Biz (re)Boot camp. You will define your own guidelines, draw up your personal operating principles and values, and create your own individual GPS for your business that will guide you through the going when the going gets tough. You’ll know WHY you’re working so hard, you’ll know WHAT you need to focus on, and you’ll know HOW to get there. You’ll have an amazing, super functional tool that, if you use it, will keep you moving forward, on course, at a doable pace.
Now, back to work…
Image by Darin Moran via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.
The Value of A Clear Vision
When I owned my salon, one of the best lessons I ever learned was the value of having a vision and a plan for my business. I did not start out with much of one. In fact, for the first few years, I just flew by the seat of my pants, without any kind of actual plan. Well, I suppose this was the plan: “Let’s open a salon! A really cool one! With really talented people! And awesome clients! And we can be all artsy and creative and it’ll be great!”
In some ways, it worked fine…sort of. I mean, it WAS a cool salon, and we DID have really great people, both staff and clients. And we got a bunch of press and publicity and business without really trying too much. We grew big, pretty fast.
But somehow, we ended up with all kinds of things going on that we never anticipated. Things to which we said “sure, why not?” when presented with the opportunity. Things that, in retrospect, were pretty stupid to take on (espresso bar? Sure! Valet parking? Okay! Twice as much square footage as you planned for? Sure, we’ll figure out a way to use it!). Note to others: I do not recommend using “sure, why not? as a standard way of making business decisions.
To add to the situation, my staff wanted to know where we were heading. They wanted a clear picture of what we were all about as a business, what we stood for, what we were working toward as a team, and why any of it mattered. They wanted leadership. They wanted a clear vision that they could get on board with.
And I didn’t have a very good answer. I just knew that I was a person who was tired of working in someone else’s salon, and figured I could do it better than the guy I was working for, so why not start my own business. How hard could it be, right? Isn’t that enough of a vision?
Turns out, no, it’s not enough. It’s not enough to just want to have your own gig. It’s not enough because things are going to get hard, for you and for anyone you work with, and if you don’t have a clear, compelling reason for the hard work, and a specific, tangible vision of what you’re aiming for, you’ll lose traction pretty quickly. You may even end up spinning your wheels and go nowhere fast.
I’ll skip a bunch of the story, but want to share one big “aha!” moment. My business was struggling, for a bunch of reasons. Yet out of the struggle came the impetus to finally do something useful: hire somebody to come and facilitate an off-site retreat for our staff, to define what we would stand for as a company. To reconnect as a team. To get clear about what we wanted to work towards and what we needed to focus on in order to be successful. And to define what success was really looked like for us, anyway.
As a business owner, it was a major learning experience. I had never really understood the value of having a clear plan, of knowing what my priorities were, of having clear business values and principles, and having ways to put those into action in my business. And now I had not just a plan—I had a living, breathing tool to help me figure out how to grow and develop the business.
And you know what? It made a HUGE difference for me as an owner. Sure, I still worked hard. Of course, there were still challenges and bumps along the way. But knowing what I was aiming for and why it mattered helped me stay on track, do the important things, and make better decisions when faced with tough choices.
This is one of the reasons I have created a workshop called The Small Biz (re)Boot Camp this fall–because I want to give small business owners the kind of help I could have used when I was growing my salon. I see so many people who are in business for themselves, floundering because they don’t have that clear picture of where they’re headed. They don’t have effective strategies in place, and they need help figuring out a realistic, achievable plan that will bring them the results they are hoping for. I know what it’s like, I know that it doesn’t have to be that way, and I want to help those people quit struggling and start thriving!
You can find more info here about The Small Biz (re)Boot Camp, and if you know anyone who could benefit from this program please forward this along to them–I really appreciate it!
That’s Not What I Meant!
Have you ever said or done something with the best of intentions, and then been completely misunderstood? Not just misunderstood, but the other party may even have assumed you meant to be rude, inconsiderate, or just plain mean—have you had this experience?
This happened to me today. I didn’t mean to be rude or abrupt, I really didn’t. It’s just that I was in a hurry, and this person was in my way. So I said in my direct manner (without much thought to it) “can you move please? I need to use this space”. Perfectly innocent, just asking for what I needed, or so I thought. Because apparently what the other person heard was “move your fat ass, sweetheart”. And I was completely oblivious to the fact that my seemingly benign request landed so poorly on my target, who remarked to a nearby observer that I had been rude, aggressive, and generally disagreeable to them, and was possibly even INTENTIONALLY bitchy.
YIKES! Talk about a communication breakdown. I think I’m just being direct, and they think I’m intentionally being mean.
Welcome to the murky world of what you say versus how it comes across—and one of the easiest and most likely places to have a communication breakdown—also known as intention vs. impact.
Here’s how it works: when I say or do something, I generally know my own intentions behind it at some level. I have a reason for saying what I say, and usually I know what it is. For example, in the story above my intention was pretty basic: communicate my needs. I needed to use the space, and she was in it.
The rub is, you don’t know my intentions behind those words or actions—you must make a guess about my intentions from the impact that my words or actions have on you. This means that if I say something and your feelings are hurt, it’s quite possible that you may wonder “did you mean to hurt me?” So again, in the above story, she was quite put out and interpreted my words as rude or inconsiderate.
I see this all the time in relationships, whether business or personal. You know those times when you find yourself saying things like “that’s not what I meant” or “you don’t get it”? Probably a case of intention vs. impact in action.
I’m an optimist and maybe a bit naïve—I do believe that most of us, for the most part, have decent intentions. We want to do the right thing, we want to be honest, we want to play fair. (Okay, there are a few people who I have doubts about. Let’s ignore those people for now.)
But sometimes our best intentions can still have a harsh impact on others. For example, an attempt at self-protection can look, to the other person, like an outright attack. Direct feedback can feel like a character slaying. How things look on my side of the equation is completely different from how it looks from your side, and even though I may mean well, my behavior can land really, terribly wrong from your perspective. And from your perspective, because what I said or did hurt, offended, or angered, you may question my motives, or even make the jump to “knowing” that I am just a callous, thoughtless person with ulterior sinister motives.
What to do, what to do?
When I am coaching people about improving their communication skills, one of the skills we work on is to do what I call “lead with intention”. This means that when it makes sense to do so, set the stage with the other person or people first about WHY you are saying what you are about to say. Let them know “this is what I am hoping to accomplish by telling you this” in whatever words fit for you, before you deliver the message.
Here’s how this might look in practice: you are the boss, and have to give some tough feedback to an employee. Rather than just jumping right in and telling them how you want them to improve, begin by letting them know why you are about to give them the message that’s coming. “Bubba, I have some feedback I’d like to share with you. I’m doing this because I think you have lots of potential with this company, and my intention is to help you reach that potential, even when it means I might have to give you constructive criticism from time to time.” Intention is clear. Now, go ahead with your message.
What you are doing is being transparent about why you are saying what you are saying, rather than leaving it up to the receiver to guess at your intentions. You are proactively helping them look for a good intention rather than a bad one (assuming that you really mean well).
While few things are fool-proof, learning to signal your intentions before you speak can go a long way towards making sure the message you intend for them to hear is the message they receive.
What about you? How do you deal with a miscommunication?
In The Spotlight: Jodie Masiwchuk and Suburban Sarah
One of the coolest things about what I do is that I get to meet all kinds of great people doing really awesome stuff. People who have a gift, a talent, or a passion, and are using it to make their own unique difference in the world. And I decided that I want to introduce some of these people to you, because regardless of the path they are on, they have insights and wisdom and stories to share that have been inspiring and resonant for me. I hope you’ll enjoy meeting them!
So, without further ado, (drumroll please) allow me to introduce Jodie Masiwchuck, creator of Suburban Sarah and author of Never Underestimate The Power Of A Bouquet of Dandelions. (wild applause!)
So, Jodie, tell me a little bit about Suburban Sarah.
Suburban Sarah is a comic strip that focuses on the day-to-day life of a modern woman. For years, I’ve thought about creating a comic strip. Life seemed to always get in the way of this, but in reality, it prepared me for exactly what I feel I was meant to do. After studying art in college, I worked for a graphic design agency, but have always had a love of writing and an appreciation for all things funny. All of this experience brought me to this point, one where I feel I can lift people up through comedy, art and words—the comic strip.
What do you want people to get from your work?
I think a simple laugh, a nod in agreement, it’s really as simple as that. I will, on occasion do an editorial strip, but my primary goal first and foremost has been to focus on the humor of day-to-day life. What surprises me is the amount of notes and e-mails I receive from readers who relate to the strip. When you’re tied to a drawing board, any feedback is greatly appreciated and I always make a point to write back. I received an e-mail from a mom who has four children and is battling cancer. This woman—who is basically fighting for her life—took the time to write to me and tell me how she looks forward to the strip and it really does bring a bright spot to her day. When you receive validation like that, you know you’re doing exactly what you were created to do.
What is your biggest challenge as an artist?
The marketing and distribution, hands down. It would be wonderful to simply draw and create all day long, but much of this business is 90% marketing and 10% creation. The vice president of a highly regarded syndicate recently called my work “remarkably clever and appealing.” A tremendous compliment, but it’s very hard for the syndicates to sign on new talent because of the marketplace for comic strips. Even popular, well-liked strips can be dropped from papers—making it difficult for a newcomer. This forces me to try and come up with new ways to market what I feel, is a wonderful, important, and needed form of artistic expression. I’m convinced that there are more outlets for comic strips and have been working to discover them. Comic strips were originally created to help sell newspapers, but they are also a unique form of art. Because of this they can be marketed as such and make a natural fit for a signed print, greeting card or a collection in a book.
What does success look like to you?
Of course it’s wonderful and humbling when someone actually buys your product and it’s always a thrill when I see the strip printed in a newspaper. But those things aside, success for me can also be as simple as getting a smile or a laugh out loud from someone who has read the strip. At a recent art show, a man stopped to read a strip, he smiled, then called his wife over to have a look at it. I consider that a success.
What brings you joy?
Simple things. Sandy beaches, the cat napping on the bed, watching my kid whack a baseball and the pride I see in his face afterwards, and of course, drawing the strip. I have scraps of paper all over my house, car and inside my purse with ideas that are just waiting to be brought to life on paper.
If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you be working towards?
So many things…I would love to have my own storefront and studio space, maybe a place where other cartoonists could display their work as well. In order to keep it lively and dynamic I would offer different types of art classes to kids and adults.
What words of wisdom or advice do you have for other self-employed women?
- Believe in your work and develop a thick skin. I think so many women have doubts or engage in self-sabotage, they think they’re too old to start something new, or the “what will people think” thoughts come into play. Sometimes the transparency and honesty of the strip makes me feel a little uncomfortable because it is so personal, but I think if you take that away, you remove the very thing in which people can relate to. It helps to surround yourself with people who have similar goals and will support you. Simply ignore those who don’t.
- Be persistent. I heard some tremendous advice about a year ago and I’ll never forget it. Ask once, ask twice, and ask again. If someone says no, find someone who will say yes. Few people are an overnight success, and most who appear to be have worked for years to get to where they are. There is a cartoonist I know who took ten years before he was syndicated, that’s a tremendous amount of persistence.
- Be patient. I tried my hand at cartooning a few years ago when my child was about two years old–I couldn’t do it. The timing wasn’t right and my husband was traveling all the time. Once my son started kindergarten, my world opened up. If you have the desire to create or start your own business, that drive and ambition doesn’t just go away because the baby needs to be changed or you’re sitting cross-eyed at a job you despise. Take small bites out of what seem to be insurmountable projects, and eventually, you’ll get there.